Sketching

It's weird...it isn't about being good anymore, it's about how good it makes me feel...

Day TWO

Belly dancing!! Not exactly a dream but it is something that I want to do, something that I'm going to do! I'm calling this weekend to register for class. I figure as long as I'm moving forward and acting on things that I want right now then I'm moving in the right direction. To often we live in the past, replaying things in our minds over and over....driving ourselves CRazY. We are not our past, we can not change our past and we can not relive our past. All we really have is today, right now - this moment, that's it. There is so much that I need to change and so much that I want to do and I need to start now.

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Five things I am grateful for today: the ability to dream about the future; Jesus Christ; my brothers and sisters; forgiveness from those that I've hurt.

3 week challenge - Day one

I'm participating in the three week challenge (www.3weekchallenge.ning.com) and today was my first day. Part of that challenge is to write down five things, each day, that you're grateful for and do quick daily journal entries about the dreams that you have. I've decided to combine the two.

One of my dreams is to have a best friend to laugh and make art with. And the five things I'm grateful for today are...

1) Mom
2) Gisele
3) Melinda
4) My home
5) My job

I hope you all have a wonderful day and you're working on focusing on what is right in life. There is so much to be thankful for if we will just take the time to look and think about it.
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Spring?

I'm just kicking back and watching the snow fall outside my window on this lovely spring morning. Yes, snow! Yesterday it was 60 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, today it's cold and snowing. That's what spring in Utah is like. I actually like it though, the variety I mean.


Gisele and I have just been hanging out on my bed reading and writing. Pascal The Parrot, my little chicken man, is still covered in his cage sound asleep. We're a lazy bunch today.

Practice, Practice

I'm really starting to fall in love with drawing and can't wait to get better at it. It's becoming habit to reach for my sketchbook and pencil when I sit down on the couch. I can actually see some improvement with this girl and that's very encouraging for me. Especially because it has been such a short time since starting. More and more I like the idea of my own drawings being the main element in my journal spreads. It's more authentic that way.

A Place To Escape

I only meant to sit down for a minute, just to practice drawing heads (I'm taking the Suzi Blu 'Les Petite Dolls' class). But, with the music playing and my color pencils just begging me to stay, I let the stress of the day melt away and slipped deep into my own world at last.

It's ok if her head is freakishly large...this is folk art!

What If?

what if mermaids lived in the sky? what if dreams really do come true? what if you take everything i said the wrong way? what if you believed that you could anything? what if i draw every single day? what if i don't call anyone for days and days? what if i believe in love? what if I stop being afraid?

All weekend long I played with paint, glue, oil pastels & colored pencils. I wrote poems, cut out pictures, painted canvas', scribbled, transfered AND...finished nothing! But I rested well last night. Creating brings me peace - keeps me centered. Don't you love escaping to the world that only you can create?


Gisele is fascinated by my bubble baths. She walks around on the edge of the tub the entire time that I'm bathing. I love this picture of her. It was only a couple of months ago but she's already grown and changed so much. I never in a million years thought I'd be a cat person, but I love this cat!

I've decided to stop thinking that everything in my journal has to be a piece of art, after all this is my journal isn't it? It's where I try things out, write sucky poems, draw silly pictures, vent my feelings or just plain DOODLE. I think the reason my imagination has been like the sahara desert is because I keep trying to create something wonderful and artistic instead of just PlAyINg!! Who cares if it looks like a five year old did it? I was five for one whole year after all and I'm allowed to relive it as often as I want...so there.

I'm always making lists (and losing them). So I've decided to start writing some of them in my journal. Then doodling around them and coloring with some crayons. Aside from the crayons it's what my lists look like anyway. I think implenting art in my everyday activities will help keep my creative juices flowin!

Creative Block

I haven't felt very creative lately. I don't really know why. This page is something I forced out as you can probably tell. I plan to write something deep and moving in it, I just don't know what yet! I'll be doing some spring cleaning tomorrow and rearranging some things. Hopefully that will spark a creative fire. But until then I'll leave you with a poem from Charles Bukowski :)

Sway With Me

Sway with me, everything sad -
madmen in stone houses
without doors,
lepers streaming love and song
frogs trying to figure
the sky;
sway with me, sad things -
fingers split on a forge
old age like breakfast shells
used books, used people
used flowers, used love
I need you
I need you
I need you:
it has run away
like a horse or a dog,
dead or lost
or unforgiving.

MORE

give more♥love more♥believe more♥forgive more♥trust more♥live more♥encourage more♥pray more♥laugh more♥twirl more♥sing more♥uplift more♥dare more♥create more♥dream more♥except more♥DO more♥embrace more♥rejoice more♥bite your tongue more♥kiss more♥dance more♥say yes more♥serve more♥help more♥stand for something more♥cherish more♥write more♥care more♥be kind more♥give the benefit of the doubt more♥hold hands more♥cuddle more♥exercise more♥risk more♥learn more♥read more♥play more♥expect more♥desire more♥say hello more♥reach out more♥be thankful more♥extend grace more♥admit when you're wrong more♥ do all good things MORE!

Dear Ben,

I love your sick and twisted mind.

When I was little, I was astonished by the moon. I use to think that it followed me. As an adult, I still find it amazing & beautiful but the "man in the moon" just never sounded quite right... this sounds much better!

My Candlemas/Imbolc Celebration

Holding true to my resolutions to implement other religions and denominations into my own personal worship time, I celebrated my variation of Candlemas & Imbolc this year for the first time.

I won't give you a history or theology lesson on what each of these are because you can easily find that with a google search if you are so inclined. However, each of these holiday's speak of Spring, purification, light, fire, birth, harvest....basically new beginnings. I took something from each to create this little altar.
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The altar included: a mosaic cross that my sister made me; incense; candles (of course); fresh flowers; a few pieces of Christmas tree branch that I still had; a twig of fresh rosemary; Bible; Celtic worship music, Spirit flute music, pottery bowl, pen & paper.
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First I put on the Celtic music and lit a candle in every room of my apartment, even the bathroom. Then I displayed the goods as beautifully as I could and lit more candles and incense. I danced around to the music for awhile and then I sat down in front of the altar. I sang softly with the music and thought about why I worship Jesus and what worship meant. I just sang and talked to God and wrote things on the paper that were on my heart. Things that I was sorry for, worried about, sick and tired of, & the names of people that I loved and want the best for. Each time that I wrote something, I tore it from the page and folded it up making a little pile of requests. Then I just asked The Lord to take care of them for me, to lift the burden of anything that wasn't mine. I asked God to help me start fresh and free from my worries and regrets of the past year and to help me move forward and to believe in my dreams again. Then I read from The Psalms for awhile.

Once the Celtic music was done I put in the Spirit Flute music. While the music played I proceeded to burn, in my pottery bowl, all of my pieces of paper, the Christmas tree twigs, and the rosemary. Watching it burn was a great visual of my worries being burned with it.

I kept these ashes to remind me that my past is gone and forgiven. I am a new creation in Christ. He is my Spring, my new beginning - each and everyday.

And Breathe

Do you ever feel like nobody gets you? Like you're not in sync with the rest of world? I feel like that a lot and especially this past week. Sometimes I grow very weary of trying to explain my perspective or being called weird. Usually I take the whole weird thing as a compliment and the same with being out of sync. I love my individuality, and I like knowing that I do and think things because of what I've read or decided rather than because it's popular and main stream. But still...

When people that are closest to us seem to never really understand where we are coming from, it can be upsetting.

I wrote about all of that here, on pages painted with the color Latte, then covered it with red paint thinned with a little gel medium. I just cut out images that I felt drawn to. I love the topless girl with her jar. She looks vulnerable and confident all at once. Next, I took an oil pastel in blue and scribbled all over and smooshed it around (I think the best part of creating is getting the paint and glue all over your hands!). Then I stamped with gold ink. The last thing that I added was metal leaf. This is the first time I've ever used it and I loved it. I just put some gel medium on a paint brush, dipped it in the bag of leaf and smeared it in random places on the pages.

I finally feel a connection when I journal. It's like coming home.

Questioning

I spend a lot of time wondering about things like...what is freedom really? Is it when we feel safest or when we are taking risks? How much of what we do, what we decide, is actually decided for us? Why don't we seem to trust our neighbors to make good decisions but think the government can fix everything? Aren't they just people too? See what I mean? Always wondering...

I AM WORTHY

This is one of those times that I wish I wouldn't have added that last thing. I think I like the pencil better than the yellow paint....oh well. I promised myself I would stop being afraid to make mistakes.

Feeling Insecure

This spread is actually green and the pink is closer to white than pink in real life. I don't know why it photographed like this.

I'm having one of those nights where you need reassurance but you just are not going to get any. And it came out of nowhere. Yes...it's hormonal, but as you know, that doesn't make it any less real. I always regret when I react to this emotion.

Yena'ad Aleik (Happy Birthday)

Supposedly "yena'ad aleik" means happy birthday in Lebanese. Ben took me to celebrate my thirty fifth birthday at my favorite Middle Eastern Restaurant, Mazza. This is my birthday spread. The torn up pieces of paper that I've written on are actually from the craft paper that he wrapped my gift in. And the picture on the left at the bottom, is a photo of the dining area of the restaurant. The typed words above it are the dishes that we ordered, cut from a menu that I printed from the Internet. ...Hummus, Vegetarian Grape Leaves, Lamb & Rice Dolaa, Chicken & Potatoes Mutabbak and of course some delicious Lebanese wine. I had a wonderful time.

Bewitched

She's grateful for your friendship because you brought her back to LIFE and you expect her to be whole...