I've spent a lot of energy in my life trying to avoid being vulnerable in order to be, or appear to be, strong and independent. I also thought that I could keep myself from getting hurt. I realize now that I have had it all wrong. It takes strength and courage to let your guard down and fall in love be it platonic or romantic and there is no way to outsmart getting hurt. I'm finally ready to fall in love. I'm ready to fall big and I'm ready to fall hard. But mostly, I'm ready to fall completely.
Life is worth all of the trials...
I bought my first Moleskine today and OH.MY.GOODNESS. How have I lived this long without one? I don't know, I don't know. I can only plead ignorance.
I pray for more moments where I recognize the sweetness in the simplest parts of life- where I pause to listen to the rain against my window & remember to enjoy the journey...
What are some of your dreams? This is hard for a lot of people and as life beats us down, as it has a tendency to do, it can get even harder. What did you use to dream about when you were younger and determined to win against all odds? Do you remember? What are some of the things you catch yourself daydreaming about now? (I pray you still allow yourself to daydream?!) Get them down in your journal. Nothing is too silly or far fetched! Nobody has to see this but you anyway, so trust yourself with your own heart. Pick a couple (or a lot) of pictures that represent your dreams and then write others around them. It seems difficult at first but once you start letting yourself dream again your memory has rapid recall. Pay attention to how your mood begins to perk up (that's called hope). We were created to dream and move toward a vision.
I've been working in my journal everyday this week. It remains one of the most therapeutic rituals that I have. Between this and the morning pages that I've been writing for the last three weeks (taken from The Artist's Way by: Julia Cameron) I am really beginning to feel myself unblocking. I've almost completed this entire journal and I have my eye on a new Moleskine. I just haven't decided on whether or not I want one with watercolor paper.
This is a rough draft of a collage painting that I'm going to do on 12x24" birch plywood. I just ordered the plywood via the Internet and it will be here on the 22nd. Which works out perfectly because I have the 24th off, so guess what I'll be doing ALL DAY LONG- muahahaha!
Do you ever feel like nobody gets you? Like you're not in sync with the rest of world? I feel like that a lot and especially this past week. Sometimes I grow very weary of trying to explain my perspective or being called weird. Usually I take the whole weird thing as a compliment and the same with being out of sync. I love my individuality, and I like knowing that I do and think things because of what I've read or decided rather than because it's popular and main stream. But still...
When people that are closest to us seem to never really understand where we are coming from, it can be upsetting.
I wrote about all of that here, on pages painted with the color Latte, then covered it with red paint thinned with a little gel medium. I just cut out images that I felt drawn to. I love the topless girl with her jar. She looks vulnerable and confident all at once. Next, I took an oil pastel in blue and scribbled all over and smooshed it around (I think the best part of creating is getting the paint and glue all over your hands!). Then I stamped with gold ink. The last thing that I added was metal leaf. This is the first time I've ever used it and I loved it. I just put some gel medium on a paint brush, dipped it in the bag of leaf and smeared it in random places on the pages.
This is one of those times that I wish I wouldn't have added that last thing. I think I like the pencil better than the yellow paint....oh well. I promised myself I would stop being afraid to make mistakes.
